Folks have been reaching out to me lately asking what’s going on with the #Hashtag. Noting that I had hinted at posts regarding on-street parking, power dynamics and imbalances, a lack of willingness among self-professed liberals to engage in any sacrifice of personal comfort for the greater good, and more. Lord knows there are plenty of things going on locally for which I would love to dive in to analyze and opine on. And yet I have found myself limited.
Fun fact about me is that I live with dueling mental health conditions known as Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. Add in chronic pain stemming from the bike collision of 2018, and I can be irritable at times. I have long left these untreated, finding I don’t care for side effects of medication (I feel rather flat and uninspired when medicated), which has led to other self-medication, which has led to rather unfortunate outbursts when all things are combined.
For the most part, I have been able to manage the worst aspects of these conditions through staying busy. A combination of paid work and volunteer work has essentially kept my mind otherwise occupied. The unfortunate reality associated with one of my more public blowups, however, is not only has it created barriers to employment where I am doing things that are consistently keeping me busy, but it came on the heels of my departure from other volunteer work wherein I was disgusted (and continue to be) by a laissez faire attitude toward management abusing workers.
Long story short, as I’ve been more stuck in my head, associated depressive symptoms worsened throughout the year. This reached a point in July wherein I crafted what I would say is a rather considerate plan to end my life, aiming to do so in a way that would cause minimal disruption and mess to those around me. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on who you ask), in a more lucid period I recognized that this was less than healthy, and sought treatment from my medical team. While, as noted above, being medicated is not something I prefer, I am currently on a cocktail of medications to address these chronic mental health issues along with the chronic physical pain in my left shoulder.
The downside: being in a “flat” state essentially has left me without enough of a shit to give to dive deep and throw down for the #Hashtag. While my preference is to be in an employment position where I’m consistently active and can wean off of this current medication cocktail, I have no idea how long it will be before that happens, which means those of you who have come to enjoy this blog, specifically my bylines, will have to miss out.
Of course there are plenty of other (and better) writers out there for you to read that not only provide commentary but also real journalism. I’m sure I’ll eventually be back to my shenanigans, though, and maintain the offer to give up the keys to folks who want to dive into this end of the pool.
The lesson here: do your best to take care of yourself, and take care of your mental health as part of the same.
